Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Television's top comedians used the broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-for-access arrangement for the wealthy.

Colbert's Witty Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic holiday jingle about the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that enables foreign citizens to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, with a "premium" option for five million. An official page pledges processing "faster than ever."

"One thought here to rich applicants: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the scheme is also meant to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, with large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll ratings amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.